Until now all of the hate mail I have received has come from angry brides-to-be who fall upon my first Indian wedding experience blog post. Unfortunately these gals had typed in “Sanskruti Silks” or “wedding shoes” or any other combination of words like that and ended up reading my blog post. They were pissed off because they believed I was disrespecting this special day and tradition and called me all sorts of fun names like bitch and other much worse names (ouch!). Though my all-time favourite insult was the woman who told me she hoped my ex-husband used to beat me. Haha! What a B*! They stung a bit at first but it didn’t last long. As many times as I’ve re-read that particular blog post I just don’t read anything that I wrote which disrespected the Indian culture or the tradition. I poke fun at me and try to describe the wedding scene using my voice, which is typically laden with humour. These women were just in a different frame of mind and took offense. And I’m sorry but no one would read my blog if it was all sunshine, rainbows and dryly stated facts. Where is the adventure and fun in that?
Yesterday I received my first hate mail in two or three months, sent after someone read my Sunday Brunch @ Love Shack post:
“You people are everything that’s wrong with humanity…shallow, fickle, vain, and completely irrelevant to the grand scheme of things. Your little jaunts and grandiose self importance is worth SHIT. hope barcelona keeps you.”
The person who sent it didn’t leave a real email address or name, so they didn’t want to open a conversation with me. In my opinion, it’s not the most eloquent of letters or comments and certainly not well articulated. Trust me, I’ve had some readers share strong opinions (like Aunty Jee) but they were well thought out and she is open to back-and-forth conversation when it’s a hot topic. Comments CAN turn into engaging debates. However, this person pretty much just wanted to tell me that people like me who enjoy drinking and dancing are everything that is wrong with this world. Hmm… really?
Taking aside the fact that I don’t think I am what is wrong with society (I think my Mom did a pretty good job with me, thank you!), I’ve never understood those people who think they know someone enough to make those kind of blanket statements … when they’ve never even met. Over the years, I’ve sat on the board of directors for a children’s charity, volunteered in various countries, have fun working my ass off for the past 15 years in PR and marketing for high-tech start-ups, have raised (financially) my daughter almost single-handedly and … I think I’m a very kind person to everyone I meet (okay, not that groper in Frazer Town!). I’m not perfect but who is?
Personally, I think it’s much more appropriate to be diplomatic when dealing with people – or in this case summing them up in 3 sentences. Life is WAY too full of variables and circumstances…and people are way to complex. As our green friend Shrek says, we are full of layers like an onion! People who seems like a menace to society at first glance (apparently like me and my friends) could be truly lovely people who contributes to society. The same is true for some who seems wonderful and saintly on the outside…they might be that true menace to their family or society.
Maybe I would have accepted the comment if they had said “partying on a Sunday is everything that’s wrong with humanity” or something along those lines. But come on!
I started the blog when I moved to Bangalore so that my Mom, my daughter (who had stayed behind to finish out the school term) and my friends in Europe and the U.S. could follow along and experience this new adventure with me. Little by little the blog stopped being read by just my family and friends. I’m really so humbled to have people all around the world, and particularly here in India, reading it pretty regularly – especially given how many expat blogs there are here in India!
It’s normal that I won’t be everyone’s ‘cup of tea’ so I think I need to thicken up my skin quick. Because at 40, I certainly don’t see myself changing my style, my tastes or my character anytime soon.
XOXO Angela
Angela – if even Jesus could be crucified, then u know… u r just doing fine 🙂
I read your post on the wedding – i couldn’t figure out what people found so offensive ?! May be the comment about being married to the same person for 7 lifetimes… if someone did not see the humor in that – their problem !
I would like to tell you something interesting in this context. If someone blames / bad mouths / abuses you – especially for no apparent reason – they are supposed to be taking your negative karma… so be happy for all the hate mail… they are making your karma bag lighter 🙂
Just keep writing about India. It is very important for us to get a different perspective on things we take so much for granted. Like the one about tobacco ! Or no shoes ! they were hilarious !
And – you inspired me to write a blog too – about USA !!
OMG I love the negative karma comment, I have honestly never heard that before. Thanks so much for the kind words, as always you are lovely. And I can’t believe you started a blog too…that’s wonderful. Post the link here!!! 🙂 Cheers, Ange
🙂 I read that thing about karma in the book “Celebrating silence” by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. (you should find a copy in most book stores in Bangalore). It has the most amazing concepts on dealing with day to day challenges of the mind – and almost always has made me feel lighter – every time I pick that book up and read a random page – it answers some question…
As for my blog.. it is debjanimitra.wordpress.com
Am still writing mostly about things in my mind – want to start writing about my experiences in the USA too – soon !
btw – am sure you know some publishers already – but thought I should share this with you – I came across this page – you might want to explore it if you want to publish a book soon 🙂
http://serenewoods.com/concept.php
Have w wonderful weekend !
Debjani
rock on sista!
i don’t get the people who keep reading after taking offense, much less go on to comment!
xxoo
OMG — yes! I always think the same thing. Although if I had really strong feelings about something (racism, abortion, women’s rights) I suppose I could get my panties in a bunch too if I read something that opposed my views… big kiss sis, I like the new header photo you are using for your blog xo
Some do not like boogie… some wish they could boogie too… some have boogied too much before…
amongst all beautiful colors of India, you sometimes find mud
enjoy life ! I pass your posts one by one and really spend good times with you !
Bye !
Too true! My Mom always said “it’s not what you say it’s how you say it” and I think some people are still waiting to learn that lesson 🙂 Thanks for reading and for sharing in my good times! — ange
ANGELA,What you are writing is CONTROVERSIAL & SOMETHING UNHEARD OF,by most people.Most of them ,have not seen the Darker side of life,which you are exposing the dark under-belly of sex & the city.
Keep writing,coz u are a blogger.Maybe,u can be a little more Sensitive.They might be Over-Reacting over Unspeakable issues. Most people have an orthodox thinking.
But,India is a free country,everybody has a right to freedom of speech & thought. So,keep your engine running.
Haha.. Some people are crazy, miserable and have far too much free time on hand.. : I think that you’re one of the few things that’s right with humanity- tolerance, spirit of adventure and general good humour. If someone can’t see that, it’s their loss, don’t you think? 🙂 🙂
I’m sure you wouldn’t care the least bit about comments of the sort, but I’m still gonna go ahead and say that for every one person who doesn’t like your blog, there are hundreds who absolutely love it.. (Going by your fb likes at least.. :D)
I’ve missed your blog these last few weeks.. I have some catching up to do.. 😀
Sorry to know that. Some people are basically just sad. Losers. They live everywhere. And they belong in hiding.
Because a sunday brunch is everything that is so wrong in this world and a sunday brunch is so..o…o… offensive ! 😉
hehe…. indeed! –ange
Angry with Sunday Brunch? Sounds like no one ever invites him / her. We can see why. Clearly. And thats the way it should be.
Ange!! Anna here again, i commented a while ago since i LOVE your blog and am moving to Mumbai soon. Its fascinating to see YOUR adaptation to India..its not everyone’s cup of tea, the world is full of different mindsets and of course your views won’t be well received for some people but for others they’re a hoot!
Just ignore the comments full of negativity PLEASE, don’t you dare stop blogging or partying or living your life. The internet is an easy way for haters to judge people without revealing their identity!
Lots of love xxxxx
Hey girl, you are still reading my blog…I love that! Thanks so much! And thanks for the pep talk and sweet comment. Hope to meet up either in Mumbai or Bangalore when you arrive. Big kiss and lots of love back xoxoxo
Hey Angela,
I am sure you will have seen many such people who take offense for everything. Your statements are honest and told in your perspective. You havent harmed anyone or anything. So let them say what they like, you have enough fan following for your blog to rejoice.
SAM
Yeah, in all honesty I should be receiving loads more hate mail probably 🙂 haha Hope you are well, Sam!! –ange
Hi Angela, I have followed your blog both before and after I moved to Mumbai from Norway a month ago and I love it! Have also started a blog myself about life in Mumbai and I can totally relate to what you post here… I had someone posting hate comments on my blog and I cannot believe that people have so much time on their hand that they spend it posting such comments! By the sounds of it, I think it actually might be the same person who commented on my blog…I just guess some people are not up for having fun… But great to read your post about it 🙂 Makes me not feel so alone about being “hated” 😉
Hey there sweetie! Thanks for sharing that. Also nice to know I am not the only one too 🙂 I am going to check out your blog, thanks for leaving the link. Big hug, angela
Your article has a sarcastic overtone, which probably didn’t go down well with some of your more traditional Indian readers. Having ‘burnt my fingers’ in a number of occasions, I realised that humour is culture specific, not as generic as I thought. Indians have a difficulty getting sarcasm, the same way Americans have a problem spotting irony. Indians joke about a culture, a person or a group as a way of mockery or denigration. Hence, when a foreigner says something jibby about Indians or an Indian culture, it is taken as an insult.
The younger and more ‘hip crowd’ however, is more enlightened and open to such humour.
I think all my articles have that overtone but it was funny that the brunch article incited someone to be so sassy back to me. Oh well, it was hand-fed material for another blog post 🙂 So score!
I am who I am and my writing style and sense of humour aren’t for everyone….but I am so thrilled that so many people are open to reading my blog posts. cheers, angela
Judging a person based on one blog is like judging a book by its cover. I have now read almost all your blog posts now and I feel that you are doing a pretty good job at conveying your experiences about the life in India. I think that people who sent you hate mails did not read your any other blogs or otherwise they would have realized how fond you are of India and Indian culture. I love the fact that you tend to inquire everything you see and try to understand the reasoning behind it. It gives us (Indian people) a fresh perspective about things that are normally a part of our lives.
You are doing a commendable job and you should continue doing it irrespective of what some people have to say…!!!
Thanks so much. And yes, you are probably right that they fell into the blog while searching for something and then realised how different I am from them and made a snap judgement. That’s what happened with the “1st indian wedding” post. I appreciate your sweet encouragement and kind words. -ange